Every January, shortly after the New Year arrives, scores of my patients see me to report that they are extremely embarrassed about what they said or did on New Year’s Eve. This year how about not entering into what I call “Embarrassment Eternity” (EE). What hangs out in EE are things you have done or said that have stolen your integrity and demeaned your dignity that you will be ashamed of “forever.” Embarrassment Eternity causes emotional pain. EE accompanies us into the New Year with feelings that are less that self-esteeming. Let’s try to avoid EE this New Year.
Plan: What is your New Year’s going to be like? Are you planning to have fun? Are you open do behaving in a way that one might describe as “dumb?” Has 2018 been so awful that you simply want to numb out and forget it? What can YOU plan that will be enjoyable and provide you with a memorable happy transition from 2018 into 2019?
Limit how much you drink: Other than another person who is also inebriated, who wants to be around someone who is so altered that they are not their normal selves? Allow yourselves to remember New Year of 2019.
Be kind: Make an agreement with yourself to be kind to everyone on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day….even if you don’t want to be. By being kind and respectful to others, self-esteem and integrity will be with you when you awake to greet your next day. What a way to start the new year!
Be safe: If you are planning to go out on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, how will you keep yourself safe? How will you retain your integrity? How will you not bring last year’s wounds and resentments forward into the new year? Staying safe involves having a designated driver or taking advantage of public transportation. If you are going to a place where you don’t know many of the people attending don’t let yourself be alone with strangers. Set a time when you will leave your event – leave at that time. Tell a trusted friend where you are going and arrange to check in with him/her when you are on your way home. Discuss what your friend should do if you don’t call.
If you are entertaining or staying in, what are you going to DO? Define it. Make it as fun as you can. If you are with people who are abusive in any way, go out and do something that makes you happy.
For many of us, 2018 has been challenging. People have learned they have a disease. Relationships have had a bitter ending. We feel devastated when we have been unsuccessful in our attempts to try to save or rescue a loved one from chemical dependence and/or self-harm. We have lost a treasured person or pet. Each year, life can bring many difficult challenges. Do you want the unhappiness and losses you have experienced in 2018 to take up residence in 2019? If you learned you have a serious illness, focus on your daily blessings. If you are struggling with substance abuse, get help. If you are partnered with an addict, learn about codependency and concentrate on the truth that YOU can’t fix the person you love. If you are grieving any loss, set a daily amount of time to grieve. If you don’t, grief can take over each of your days.
2019 awaits you with adventure. Only YOU have the power to break free from the manacles of the past. Only YOU have the power to create change in the way you think and in the manner in which you interact with others. Only YOU can be the artist of how you greet the New Year!
I want to wish each and every one of you a very safe, kind, loving, sun-rising New Year.
YOU HAVE THE POWER: MAKE YOUR WORLD WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE!