What obstacles can creep up on us during the holidays? Too many to count. Here are a few of the challenges that many of my patients have shared with me: Unhappy memories of sad Hanukahs and Christmases often blindside us. Last minute unforeseen challenges such as unexpected guests, forgetting to buy someone a gift, arguing with your partner when “everyone is supposed to be happy,” are all experiences that can lead to an unhappy holiday. What do we do about this? It’s such a great relationship and communication opportunity!
First, meet with your partner, children and other family members to discuss the holiday celebrations. Who is hosting? What dishes are being provided by which family members? Is alcohol being served? What is the budget for gifts? If there is no money for gifts what can you give each other instead? (I once had a patient who had no money for holiday expenses. They decided to put names in a hat. The gift that was given to the name one drew was to tell him/her five attributes that person had that were appreciated. What a great gift!)
Second, have a conversation with your partner about what would increase their happiness during the holiday season. This is a topic that is rarely discussed. What a great focus it has – learning what would increase the happiness of someone we are close to!
Third, make lists. What are your responsibilities. Are there too many? Make a list about what you can delegate. What are you cooking? Do you have the ingredients? Are any of your guests vegetarian or vegan? Are they gluten free?
Fourth, solve arguments as they occur. Take a vacation from the “What’s wrong?”/”Nothing” arguments that hold other’s hostage to your moods.
The MOST important one: change your thoughts from the past to the present. We can dwell on all the injustices, the traumas, the losses, our failures, what our parents should have done differently and spend a miserable day. Or we can be mindful of the present and even if we spend the holidays by ourselves there are so many wonderful things to do. Plan them. Walk the dog. Pet the cat. Go to a movie. Have Uber deliver your dinner. Take a look at all the holiday decorations around you. Focus on what you are grateful for.
I wish each and every one of you a holiday that brings you gratitude for being the great person you are. Each of us have talents. Notice them. Love them. The holidays are often referred to as a time of giving. Give something to yourself!
YOU HAVE THE POWER! MAKE YOUR WORLD WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE!