Does just thinking about the holidays exhaust you or are you filled with anticipation and glee? Let’s do a little inventory: list your responsibilities; next to each one write “yes” or “no” depending if you like the responsibility or not; notice if you are involved in more situations that you dislike than you like; because change is hard, select one of the holiday responsibilities you do not want to have; delegate it if possible.
I once had a patient, we’ll call her Betty, who became an expert at delegation. She had ten “dislike” holiday responsibilities and three “likes.” Rather unbalanced. This patient decided she didn’t want to do all the cooking so she called all her relatives and usual guests and assigned a dish for each to prepare. She decided that she and her spouse would provide the libations. I saw her after the holiday and she reported that she felt so “free” and “relaxed.” She smilingly said that she didn’t have to go through weeks of preparation for her large holiday meal. Betty jokingly promised that at the beginning of every November she would come see me to help her figure out what she could delegate next. She did! Betty is now down to only two holiday responsibilities that she dislikes and she reports that she currently looks forward to the holidays instead of being in the “dread” she used to experience.
Betty was lucky. She didn’t get any push back from her relatives and friends who had been attending Betty and her husband’s holiday meal for years. If she had been “guilted,” for making a change, I would have encouraged her to stand firmly in her decision and to not waiver. When we waiver after deciding to change a tradition, we are only teaching others that our decisions are negotiable. We are tacitly giving others permission to disrespect us.
If you are finding the holidays overwhelming, create your NEW holiday plan that includes allowing yourself to enjoy it also. If you don’t use your power to change, you will continue to repeat holiday rituals that are burdensome, overwhelming and unfulfilling.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO RECREATE YOUR HOLIDAYS! MAKE YOUR WORLD WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE!