If there was ever a topic that causes relationship challenges, it is budgeting and shopping for holiday gifts. Many patients come to me in January because their partner is furious about the overspending on holiday presents. There are usually one of two scenarios: either my patent is enraged with their partner for overspending, or my patient is angry at their partner for being so “ungenerous,” “frugal,” and “cheap.” Most holiday shopping issues are derived from not having a “Holiday Shopping and Budget Conversation,” or from not sticking to agreements.
If we don’t discuss holiday expenditures then we can tell an upset partner that we “didn’t know.” This is usually less than honest because if we are in a relationship with someone we usually know his/her thoughts about money, credit and budgets. If we have had a discussion and we don’t keep to our agreements we are teaching our partner we are not really trustworthy when it comes to holiday spending. This can lead to suspicion about what gifts are being purchased, and monitoring the credit cards and bank accounts. Who wants to live with a “Holiday Watchdog?”
Have that discussion. How much money will you sped on each person you remember at the holidays? Are you paying cash? Are you using a credit card? Who is going to pay the credit card bill? It can actually be fun to go shopping together with a meal included. Limit the time you shop because holiday shopping and parking can be exhausting. If your partner doesn’t like to shop in store fronts, it can be actually fun to go on line and order your presents. Make it fun!
Here’s are the assertive sentences if you are with a “Holiday Grinch:”
You: I would like you to happily go shopping with me. Are you interested?
Typical Holiday Grinch response: No
You: I would love to do this together. What about shopping on line?
Typical Holiday Grinch response: Nope
You: OK. I’ll do it myself. I have a budget of _____. We agreed that you would pay the credit card for that amount. I’m off!
Period! The End! Go have fun! Go with a friend. Go with your kids. Make it a joyous tradition – shopping for others.
YOU HAVE THE POWER! MAKE YOUR WORLD WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE!